First messages that get replies (and respect)

Read before you write

Read the whole profile first: what they're looking for, their limits, whether they say they're not taking messages. If what you want isn't on their list, don't message hoping they'll change their mind.

A good first message

• Says hi like a person: a greeting and your name or screen name.
• Mentions something specific from their profile, a group you share or an event you both went to.
• Says briefly what you're hoping for, such as friendship, a munch buddy or something more.
• Asks an easy question that's simple to answer.
• Is short. A few sentences is plenty.

What gets you blocked

• Sexual messages or explicit photos nobody asked for.
• Demanding titles ("call me Sir") or obedience from someone who isn't your partner. A submissive isn't everyone's submissive.
• Copy-paste messages sent to dozens of people.
• Following up again and again when someone hasn't replied.
• Arguing with a no.

Message requests

If you're not friends yet, your first message arrives as a request, and you can't send another until they accept. Make that one message count. If they don't accept, that's an answer. Let it go.

Being active in groups and at events gets more conversations started than cold messages ever will.

Related guides

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  Safe first meets: from first message to first coffee

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