Play party etiquette: house rules, watching and joining in

Before you go

• Read the house rules, and follow them even if another venue does things differently.
• Know the vetting: many parties require verification, vouches or having met the host at a munch first.
• Negotiate with partners before you arrive, not in the middle of the room.
• Arrive sober. Most parties limit or ban alcohol and drugs, for good reason.

Watching

• Watching is usually welcome, from a respectful distance, quietly.
• Don't talk to people in a scene, comment on it, or step into their space.
• If someone signals they'd rather not be watched, move on.

Joining in

• Never touch anyone, or their gear, without asking first, and take no for an answer the first time.
• "Are you open to being approached tonight?" is a polite opener. Some parties use wristbands or colors to show this.
• Ask the person, not their partner, unless they've told you otherwise.

Shared spaces and gear

• Wipe down equipment after use. Venues provide cleaner.
• Don't hog equipment, especially on busy nights.
• Dungeon monitors are there for everyone's safety. Do what they ask, and tell them if something looks wrong.

Afterward

• What happens at a party stays there: no photos, no names, no gossip.
• Check in with partners the next day, since feelings can show up later.
• If anything crossed a line, tell the host and file a report here.

Tell the host, and report serious incidents here too, so the platform can act beyond a single event.

Related guides

• Beginner, 2 min read

  Negotiation before a scene: limits, safewords and check-ins

  A practical walk-through of the conversation that should happen before any play, so everyone knows what they're agreeing to.

• Beginner, 2 min read

  Munches: the easiest way into a local scene

  What a munch is, what actually happens there, and how to go to your first one without feeling lost.

• Beginner, 2 min read

  If something goes wrong: reporting and getting help

  What to do if a person crosses a line, online or in person, and where to find support.